I've pretty much moved over to my livejournal. I find it to be more pleasant. ^^;

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

Before I begin... *cough*

NUUUUUUUUUUURRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!! *sob*

Okay, now that that's out of the way...

I sent myself some stuff at school through my gaggle account. I haven't regularly used my gaggle account since I was grounded from the internet for a month...

And I'm rereading all the old e-mails. I was so pathetic!

Not that missing Kori was pathetic, those aren't the parts that make me cringe...

But some of it is kind of funny and sweet and interesting. And I discovered my Amanda about this time! *glomps her Amanda* I wuv my Amanda ever so much and don't say that enough. ^_^

Anyway, Kat (surprisingly) seemed to be the only one who had any
sympathy.

I must not have known Kat very well. Kat's very sweet and is upset when you're upset.

On a brighter note, instead of doing what you said and asking my parents
if I got a job, could I get out of my grounding, I instead put in an
application to Wal-mart, then nonchalantly asked if I got the job if I
could regain my priviliges.

My chances for Wal-mart are actually pretty good because they're putting
in a Super-Walmart soon, so they'll need triple the workers by March.

.... Yeah and we saw how well that worked out.

So besides applying for jobs and being terribly bored and lonely, my
friends think I'm terribly pathetic.

Good for them, I WAS being terribly pathetic. XD

Scrubbo: I'm doing my best to keep Kori happy.

Don't ever say he doesn't care about ya Kori.

I really wish I was there too. This is really just so unfair. I might
go to Serena's house anyway and get on her messenger. She owes me for
not being there when she asked me to pick her up. >.> *is such a
tool* T~T

That just pissed me off at me... That was unfair of me to say. I wub my Nicole too! *glomps her Nicole*

However, the story I'm working on might cheer you up. It's... well it's
pretty good so far. It has to do with airships and it's based in the
world where the Arctic Duo lives. Speaking of which we really need to
name this world...

Is it just me or does that sound familiar? XD

I like my story, particularly Tannan. He's very dark and dreary and
speaks monotonely and says pesimistic things but the truth is he does it
to annoy his shipmates. XD He actually has a lot of depth. The main
character, Anan, is extremely annoying because he thinks he's the
ultimate genius, and his twin brother, Akan, is annoying because he's
incredibly stupid.

Yes that sounds VERY familiar... XD!

Amani-Chan says she's going to buy me a manga. ^_^ She's a sweet girl.
I think I figured out why I like her so much. She reminds me a lot of
you.

Hee!!! That's when I first met Amanda! See Amanda, ~I~ didn't think you were evil when I first met you! I thought you were sweet!

That's a once in a lifetime offer and someday when I'm a famous
manga-ka, they'll be begging me to come.

Ha yes, a goal I stuck with!

I get to see my boyfriend on Sunday, whee! presents!

How very.... sad. XD

But you know, next year you'll be here. And we can spend weekends
watching anime and stuff with all the other girls or just hanging out
with each other or whatever you want. Eventually we won't even need the
internet. :)

Ha! I CAN predict the future!

Poor Trogdor, must be hard to love a one armed dragon... ;)

That had no revelance, I just found it funny... And Trogdor is... was... Kori's goat but she KILLED IT!!!! *sob* Well... she sold it to someone who killed it... >.>

Nothing else really new. Well except I had a little accident this
weekend. i was at Amanda's and Nicole and I were sitting on her bed and
she knocked me off but I took her with me and somehow she ended up
sitting on my head. XD

Anyway, that's funny in itself but she put a lot of her wieght right on
my skull and right after that I got this killer headache and I've felt
funny in my brain. 0.o; The headache is on and off now but there's an
odd sensation at the base of my neck now. I suppose if this keeps up,
I'll go to the doctor. Probably with a better cover story than
"Nicole sat on my head."

Also no relevance, just funny.

By a life I mean I've been hanging with actual people... Like ones I can
see and talk to and don't have to hit enter after all my statements.

XD!!!!

I'm a weird kid. XD

I was watching Fushigi Yuugi today with the girls, and I still need to finish watching the episode I had to leave on. But on the way to pick up my mom from the laundry mat, I started thinking about something that still has me tripping.

The whole basis of the anime Fushigi Yuugi (Translates into "The Mysterious Play") is that a girl is pulled into a storybook and becomes a character in the story.

"You're just a character in a storybook, Tomohome!" one of the characters shouted, and my eyebrows automatically crossed.

Does that automatically make someone not real? I think of my characters as real. I know that they arne't in the sense that most people see as real but what qualifies as a real person.

A real person is a person who lives, thinks and feels. And every one of my characters does just that. So maybe their births were unconventional, but they're actual people.

But then I started to think of something.

Supposedly, God created this world we live on. We all here that here in America, wherever any of my readers may live. i never assume people who read this are American.

But that's the verdict, that an all powerful deity created our world.

So yes, he's all powerful... here. But.. where he lives, is he really all powerful?

Do you think its possible that we're all characters in a story?

Maybe not all of us are main character. most of us aren't probably. But even books need extras. World need created populations to be complete, so maybe all the extra characters fill those requirements.

People ask why God would do some of the things he does to us, to our world... Why would he let that happen?

Because it's drama. Because it makes a good story. Because it's PLOT.

And an author is all powerfull in his world. He doesn't have to pay attention to everything but he can go in and alter anything he wants to.

Is that who we are? Are we all characters in a world someone else created? Is that why things can go so horribly bad but things can always turn out? Because that's a standard story right?

Am I a god? Are their worlds out there that I've created that exist because I evented them and the events happen there because I dictated them? Does God write these stories and wonder the same thing?

It's insane. It's mindblowing.

I kinda hope its true.

I love/hate having revealing conversations with friends. But in this case, I'm glad everything that was said was said, though its left me with some bitter feelings against strangers.

It was just some unknown secrets about the past. It ended with Kat Nicole and I holding hands and nodding along sadly with each other.

I can't believe some of the things you don't know about a person. I always thought Nicole was so innocent, so naive, and I think only recently she's only that way because she wnats to be. I always knew there was more to her than what she reveals on the outside but I wasn't sure I wanted to go that deep.

I can't say what she told me tonight, that would completely betray her trust, but lets just say there's someone out there I've never met that if I ever ever EVER see her, she's going to hear from me.

Kat also revealed some of the darker secrets, though actually I half knew a lot of what she said.

It makes me guilty. That everything turned out so hunky dory for me. That my life was okay and yet I still whine about it in this blog. When all these bad things could've happened to me and they didn't...

But it brings so much understanding of my friends. Why Nicole's determined to be so strong and save others from bullies and why Kat is so compassionate and determined to keep everyone's nose clean. After hearing about the people Kat's dealt with, it really brings me to terms about how sad it makes her when Laura runs around smoking or buying cigarettes for minors.

But we all have something in common. All of us were alone. Even when some of us were completely surrounded by people, we were all so lonely. I didn't have real friends until Junior High...

Nicole didn't have real friends till she met me. Kat had real friends but suddenly found herself abandoned. Laura stayed so long in the misery of her family life telling no one, and therefore was alone. Amanda always talks about how it seems like everyone always leaves and she found someone who never will, by the way. And Kori, spending her time a shining gem in a teeny coal mine of a town. Yeah sure there were nice people there but... no one she could relate to.

Six girls, all so lonely, so afraid, so depressed and yet here we all are now, possessing a unique appreciation for each others company. We argue because our pain haunts us and taunt us, makes us wonder when our good luck will end and causes us to question it.

Our lives are riddled, individual, with so many different kinds of pain, like dark shades of paint. But when they're mixed together, they somehow make the new, brighter, happier colour. It's a miracle, it shouldn't have worked, but it does.

I have to get Kori farther into the group, now that all this is occuring to me so cearly. How much she needs me. I gave up because I thought no one needed me and that anyone with problems had to dig themselves out but... I didn't do it that way. I took someone's hand and pulled through the pain to get where I am today. And yeah, I fuck up, I do, but I was so far down...

And now I see it. That the only way to cure each others pain is to pull closer together. To throw away the shame of our secrets and take each others hands and tell the story. It brings so much understanding, so much appreciation, so much... closeness.

I have this need right now to pull my friends close and hold them to me. Because I didn't realize how much protecting they needed. I always was sad because I felt no one would protect me, but from what? I don't need protection, my heart's well guarded. But my friends do... Even if its figuratively, even if its not tangible, they DO need protection.

I'm glad that I can take my friends' hand and let it all out without being afraid.

"Well... you know everything about me now," Nicole had said.

And I'm so thankful... And I'm so proud to be her friend. All of you, I'm so proud to have all of you in my life, because otherwise how would I walk on? I need you guys, I don't care what I've ever said. I need you guys like I need air.

I really and truly love you all. And I want you all to know you can tell me anything and I will listen. And I will defend you. And I will believe in you. Because I love you.

I love you all.

This was the song I heard on the radio.

~~

Breakaway

Kelly Clarkson

"Breakaway"

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

~~

So does it fit do you think?

Grah, I need a good theme song for Eredicus. I just can't pick something. Nothing fits. What song did I hear on the radio the other day that I thought sounded perfect?

Sometimes theme songs fall into your lap, that being the case with Tannan and his theme, Bring Me To Life by Evanescance. And sometimes it takes over a year of owning a character to find the perfect song.

I don't care what gender sings it or what style its in but there has to be something out there that fits my precious Reddy-Teddy.

I bring it up because I'm gathering more songs on my playlist in BIMM on Windows Media. Several songs run through my head but I can't seem to pinpoint one...

It's really not fair. Aries doesn't have one either but I'm less worried about that than Eredicus. Everyone will have their themes in time...

Crap, if anyone can think of a theme for any of the PA characters, they need to tell me. I always feel so incomplete without theme songs for my characters. >.>

Ack! Bell rang. Oh wait, I'm already in the right class... o.o

In the meantime I'm listening to Azumanga Daioh music which makes me ridiculously happy. It's kind of funny actually. It's a good show.

I left a ton of MP3s downloading at home, I wonder if anyone's interfered with those. That would suck. Of course I can always recontinue the downloads but it'd be nice if it was all taken care of when I got home.

Michael canceled all of my downloads that Ileft last night. >.< He could've asked, I swear. I just restarted them this morning. I'm downloading Tank, the Cowboy Bebop opening, X (TV) Dream, some song from Dai Guard, Soramimi Cake from Azumanga Daioh and I think Little Busters by The Pillows was the only one that actually wen tthrough all the way.

I have plans to download more from that site. But of course I'm going to delete them in 24 hours. uh huh... Yeah... >.> If you say that when you upload MP3s does that automatically make it legal or something like that? Because I see that on a lot of MP3 sites that I see. Delete in 24 hours.

But of course, most of the music I download isn't available in America. It's foreign stuff that I would have trouble importing, or else I probably would.

Is it illegal to download songs you already have? I mean, you alread bought them once, so what's the big deal? You should be able to download music you already own right?

I like my playlist at school. there's some songs on here I can access on Windows Media but not on my computer. Well I could if I had Windows Media... and something better than a 56k modem, yes?

Oh by the way, I'm having some fun lately screwing with my ex boyfriends head. X3 I'm not Riff Davis and Nicole is my love child!

XD!

He also had the gall to go and saythat Atlanta was in love with him. She's engaged. Duh. If she was in love with him then wouldn't she go out with him? That's jut silly. I shoul dhave asked himt hat. Though that's a weird question for a boy to ask and I'm supposed to be a boy. >.>

Anyway, we're hoping that this will keep him off Nicole's back for a bit.

Well time to get to work.

Later.

I've been very weight self conscious lately. it's because I've been spending a lot of time on camera. Watching yourself on camera a lot makes anyone cringe.

It's been a whole lot of "I'm so fat!" "I'm so ugly!" "My hair looks like crap!" "My laugh is so obnoxious!" since we started. >.> Geez, someone could have at least told me the horrors of my laugh.

Otherwise, therapy has been going good, I think I'm doing better. I'm more aware of my actions these days.

Just this weather and this season still has me a bit bugged. --; I couldn't say why, I just feel tired and washed out all the time.

But in good news, Laura finally got her Jeep, and I'll be damned if its not brand new. I want a Jeep. XD But I'm happy for her, she really needed a pick me up.

I've been covered in drama lately so I'm distancing myself from everyone but the main friends and working in the morning and at lunch on my video editing project. Our vid is the bomb! I wish there was someway I could show you guys!

My favourite part is in the bloopers when I slide on camera and start singing "I Will Survive."

We're thinking about making our own little movie and using the vid editing machine. We don't even have a story but it'll be really fun.

No RPG today, that made me sad. :( Because I haven't seen much of Amanda. I think Nicole said she was obsessing over a new video game and keeps going home at lunch to play it. XD Which is okay because I'm spending my lunches in Mrs. Bridges class.

I want DDR so I can start losing weight! =0 I need excercise! I lose weight when I have DDR in the house. Why?! Why did you take it away Katherine?!

Senior year is sneaking up on me! *panic*

I was thinking about prom and prom dates and stuff like that. I can't take a chick to prom because they won't sell tickets to two girls as a couple and unless my date is a senior, they can't go. Sadness.


But I want to shop for my prom... not so dress sometime soon. i'm actually excited about it. ^^ It won't be fancy but it'll be fun and Casino Night is gonna r0x0rz my b0x0rz!

Graduation. Scaweh.

This one took awhile. XD